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How’s Mars?

July 20, 2009

I have been thinking/discussing recently the major (and ridiculous) differences between males and females. It’s astounding! As I’m currently in a relationship after some time of being single, I find myself once again shocked and frustrated by some of the things that go along with being struck by that darn arrow. First things first, the buzz can wear off pretty darn fast. Secondly, trying to read another person is like trying to decipher ancient mandarin by using hot chocolate powder. Oh sure, most body language is readable. Most sentences can be easily deconstructed. But when it comes to the opposite sex, when all mangled up with your screwed perceptions (screwed by ‘love’, of course) it becomes nothing short of impossible. Yet, being the woman that I am, I always still assume I have some idea of what men REALLY mean (never true) or what they REALLY want (usually wrong). So I go ahead and judge the situation, which may or may not shift my mood, which may or may not cause an issue with the other person. Confusing, frustrating, stupid.

Talking about this with one of my favourite people, we realized we are the same way: both insufferable overthinkers. We overanalyze every minute detail of a conversation, assume, accuse, apologize. The only solution we can think of to solve this very grave problem of personality traits is to check oneself. Everytime we catch ourselves overthinking, we must tell ourselves to halt this process before it becomes an issue. Again, easier said than done.

That’s one key difference then between males and females. I am extremely perceptive and sensitive, and therefore quite emotional. The man I’m with, however, is very unemotional and has a difficult time expressing his emotions, like many men. My friend remarked today that this, unfortunately is the case in the majority of the male sex..they are consistently taught not only not to cry, but really not to express any other emotion in words. Suppression is just as harmful to a relationship as is overexpression. A balance is required, but with neither party usually able to comply, it ends up being a relationship of two poles. The female, emotional side, and the male, stoic side. Opposites attract, but when problems occur and emotions rise, you end up with one person crying and the other silent and frustrated. It’s terrible!

I read a very significant quote the other day that makes light of the situation and yet still rings true:

“Male emotion is like female sexuality. You can’t go too fast too soon.”

Sexist? I disagree. I think that the female requires a feeling of validation in some way before she will feel comfortable getting sexual, and so maybe that is the little piece I am missing..Maybe the man requires much more of the validation of his character, assurance that you really like him, more familiarity with you, before he is able to express himself properly with you. Something to think about definitely. It makes so much sense when you work the analogy backwards!

One thing’s for sure: if only emotional chemistry was as easy as physical chemistry. Relationships would be a breeze!

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